


You Probably Think This Song is About You

by Brightest_Moonstone



Series: they're playing our song... [4]
Category: Sly Cooper (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, Includes Art, Sly is forced to face the consequences of his actions, girl talk, poor conflicted Carmelita
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 01:54:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12048888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brightest_Moonstone/pseuds/Brightest_Moonstone
Summary: Sly swung himself onto the sill and stopped dead. A female mouse was standing by the window, watering a pot plant.“You’re not Carmelita.” He turned his head, had he gotten the wrong window?“YOU!” She yelled and before Sly could react, she’d grabbed him off the sill, throwing him to the floor and seating herself on his chest.





	You Probably Think This Song is About You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello and welcome to the final installment of 'they're playing our song...'
> 
> If you have just joined us please read the other fics in this series first otherwise this won't make a lot of sense
> 
> Viola is an OC I've had since I first discovered these games back in the mid-2000s I love her a lot, she also appears in the first fic in this series 'Strangers in a Crowded Place'
> 
> There is also Mayurei's wonderful art for the series
> 
>  
> 
> [Here](https://mayurei.tumblr.com/post/164033138004/belldandy-goddessofthepresent-recently)
> 
>  
> 
> [Here](https://mayurei.tumblr.com/post/164170801474/the-aftermath-part-oneof-many-inspired-by)
> 
>  
> 
> [And here](https://mayurei.tumblr.com/post/164173535959/the-aftermath-part-twoof-many-stay-tuned)
> 
>  
> 
> [And here too](https://mayurei.tumblr.com/post/164355910104/the-aftermath-part-threeof-many-carmelita)

“Easy Carm, easy now.” Viola said, supporting her friend’s weight as best she could.

“I saw him Vi, really I did.” Carmelita said swaying on her heels.

“Sure you did honey, sure you did.” Viola soothed as the two of them stumbled away from the bar. “Taxi!” She hailed.

A car pulled up in the cab rank, “where to Miss?” The driver asked rolling down his window.

Viola yanked open the door and gave him Carmelita’s address as she manhandled her friend into the taxi. It wasn’t easy; Carmelita had reached the floppy, boneless stage of drunkenness.  
“C’mon Carm… work with me here.”

“He keeps leaving.” Carmelita slurred sounding on the verge of tears. “I just want him to stay.”

“I know honey, I know.” Viola said holding her friend’s hand as she climbed into the taxi. She hadn’t seen her Carmelita this drunk in years, maybe ever.

“She talking about her boyfriend?” The driver asked. “Sounds like a real piece of work.”

“Ehhh… not exactly.” Viola said. “Carm honey I think maybe it’s time you had another man in your life to obsess over. Jacques has a friend…”

“No more blind dates.” Carmelita protested. “Not after last time.”

“I thought you liked Marcus?”

“I did he was he nice but he was _terrible_ in bed.”

Viola giggled, “oh my god Carm…”

“WOMEN NEED ORGASMS TOO!” She yelled abruptly.

The driver coughed, Viola could see the tips of his ears going pink.

“Shhh… Shhh… Shhh…” Viola’s cheeks burned, “okay, okay, no more blind dates.”

Carmelita made several crude hand gestures, accompanied by equally crude sound effects. “And he would not go down on me – at all.”

Viola buried her face in her hands; she did not need to hear this about her husband’s poker buddy. “I am so sorry.” She apologised to the driver.

“Ummm no problem?”

Having finished her tirade Carmelita laid her head against Viola’s shoulder and dozed for the rest of the trip with Viola petting her hair. Carmelita just hadn’t been herself lately, Viola had hoped an evening out might have encouraged her friend to talk to her. She hadn’t expected Carmelita to drink herself into a stupor and hijack the bar’s karaoke machine.  
“What has been going on in your life Carm?”

They saw each other a great deal, Viola was Chief Barkley’s secretary after all and they had been best friends for the better part of a decade, but Carmelita had a tendency to be so closed off. 

Viola’s other friends at the bar had started making ‘jeez Carmelita who hurt you?’ jokes, a few drinks and a few angry karaoke performances into the night. Viola had laughed with the others when Carmelita had started ranting about her ‘no good, dirty rotten, thieving raccoon’ but she was worried. Honestly, she was very worried.

“This is your stop Miss.” The driver said.

“Thank you.” Viola murmured reaching for her purse.

The driver took the note she passed him and looked over his shoulder, “would you like some help getting your friend inside?”

Viola’s eyes narrowed, “no thank you.” She said coolly, “I think we’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?” He tipped his hat back slightly, “not to be rude but it seems like there’s a lot more of her than there is of you.”

He had a point, Carmelita was tall for a fox and Viola was petite even for a mouse… Ugh and Carmelita’s elevator was out (again) and she lived on the top floor and they were wearing heels.

She sighed, “on second thoughts, yes. Thank you.”

The driver, a young raccoon got out and opened the door for them, “happy to help.” He smiled.

 

They braced Carmelita between the two of them and headed up the many, many stairs to Carmelita’s apartment.

“I saw him you know. I really did.” Carmelita was saying.

“Yes Carm you said.”

“You don’t believe me though.”

“The very confused man you jumped on didn’t look much like Sly Cooper Carm.”

“I did see him.” She repeated. “You know you look like him.” She peered at the driver.

“Don’t accuse the nice cabbie of being an internationally wanted criminal Carm.” Viola said trying to fish her spare key for the apartment from her purse.

“I dunno…” The driver laughed. “What’s this guy like, charming? Devilishly handsome?”

“He’s a jerk who leaves.” Carmelita whined.

“He’s a thief and its Carmelita’s job to catch him.” Viola explained.

“He keeps kissing me and then he leaves. I just want him to stay.”

Viola nearly dropped her friend. “What?” She knew there had been a kiss, singular, in Russia, several years previously where Cooper had left her handcuffed inside an active volcano. “Oh my god Carm I have so many questions for you when you are sober.”

“Do you mean that, do you want him to stay? Because I’m sure he does too.” The driver was saying softly.

“What did you say?” Viola tried to look around Carmelita.

“Nothing. Uhh… this is her right?” The driver gestured.

Viola pulled Carmelita away from him, reeling back a few steps under her friend’s sudden full weight. “How did you know that?”

“You told me?” He tried.

“No I didn’t.” And she hadn’t, on purpose.

He moved away, “your friend did then.”

“She did not.” Viola pushed Carmelita behind her.

He kept backing up, hands held out in front of him. “I just wanted to see her home safe.”

“Sly?”

His gaze snapped immediately to Carmelita, leaning against her door looking forlornly at him.

“’Lita…” His shoulders sagged.

Viola clapped a hand over her mouth. “Oh my god it is you.”

She watched his eyes flick between her and Carmelita, looking at Viola as if he had forgotten she was there the instant that Carmelita had said his name.

He shook his head, “I’m sorry.” He whispered and he was gone.

Viola rushed to the window he’d leapt from but he was already out of sight. 

“What the hell was that?” She muttered. She looked back to Carmelita now slumped on the floor. “Seriously Carm,” she said pulling her friend to her feet, “so many questions.”

“He just keeps leaving.”

“All the questions.” Viola said unlocking the door. “You are going to tell me everything Inspector Fox.”

Carmelita stumbled into the apartment; Viola gently helped her friend get ready for bed, pressing a glass of water into her hand.  
“Here Carm drink this.”

She had so many questions, but it could wait until morning.

She just hoped she liked the answers.

* * *

Carmelita woke with a pounding headache, she lay in her darkened room for a few moments before she heard the door creak open.

“I heard groaning and assumed you must be alive.” Viola walked in holding a cup of tea and a packet of painkillers. “Here.” She said, “you’re going to want this.”

Viola sat on the end of her bed waiting while the caffeine and the meds took effect. “Okay Carm what do you remember about last night?”

Carmelita rubbed her temples, “did I sing ‘You’re So Vain’ at the bar last night?”

“Nineteen times Carm. After three angry renditions of ‘Bad Karma’ and a truly terrifying performance of ‘Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing’. We only managed to wrestle you away from the machine when you leapt off the stage screaming that you’d seen Sly Cooper.”

Carmelita covered her face with her hands, “oh lord then what?”

“You were caught by a very surprised timber wolf who said, and I quote that was the ‘most metal thing’ he’d ever seen and asked you to join his band.”

“I didn’t agree did I?”

“No I distracted him by buying him another drink and then I took you home.” Viola took a deep breath. “Do you remember the taxi ride home?”

“No. Why, what did I do?”

“Nothing really… well you did start yelling about how Jacques’ friend Marcus was terrible in bed but that’s not the point.”

“I said that?” Carmelita groaned, “out loud? How much did I have to drink last night?”

“No offence Carm but I think the bigger question here is why is Sly Cooper stalking you?”

Carmelita’s empty mug dropped from nerveless fingers, it bounced off the edge of the bed and rolled onto the floor. “What?”

Viola fiddled with the edge of Carmelita’s blanket, “I think maybe you did actually see him in the bar last night, because it was definitely him who drove us home.”

“You got into a cab with Sly Cooper?”

“I didn’t know it was him at the time.” Viola flung her hands up. “And you’re hardly one to talk, why does he know where you live?”

Carmelita’s brain went into hard-core damage control, what could she say? How much could she get away with not saying? “Umm…”

“You said ‘he keeps kissing me and then leaving’, he called you ‘Lita and he was not looking at you like he was worried you were going to arrest him.” She reached across the bed taking Carmelita’s hands between her own. “Spill Carm I think it’s time you told me everything.”

Carmelita took a deep breath, may as well get it over with quickly like ripping off a band-aid. “I slept with him.”

“Who?”

“Cooper. I slept with Sly Cooper. Here. In this bed, like the biggest idiot in Paris.”

Viola’s eyes bugged so wide Carmelita was worried she might hurt herself, “you did what? You of all people? Carm what were you thinking?”

“Clearly I wasn’t _!_ ” Carmelita pulled her hands away, flinging them wide.

“What happened?”

“He showed up here a few weeks ago, I let him in and I had sex with him.” She pulled a pillow into her lap.

“But… but why?”

“Because I’d been thinking about him since I kissed him in London.”

“ _You did what???_ ”

“And do you remember that guy from the club at your hen’s night?”

“Noooo….” Viola gasped scandalised. “That was Cooper?”

Carmelita just nodded.

“Did you know?”

“Not until we were leaving.”

“I’m still confused on the why Carm, this isn’t like you.”

“I can’t tell you why, what I can tell you is that it was a mistake, a huge, great, stonking mistake. I let him manipulate me into letting my guard down, into letting him get away. He lied to me and I believed him. I have learned my lesson Vi, it is not going to happen again.” She said feeling each word like a burning coal in her gut.

Viola sighed, “Carm I have a… suggestion. Here’s what I think you should do, take your vacation days… all of them.”

“Vi that’s practically long service leave.” She said nose wrinkling in distaste.

“You think I don’t know that? I also know you’re about to void half of them so you are going on holiday.” She jabbed a finger at Carmelita.

“You can’t make me take a vacation Vi.”

“I can and I will.”

“And if I refuse?”

“Then I’ll tell Barkley everything you just told me.”

She may as well have stabbed Carmelita in the heart, Vi had been her best (only) friend since they were fourteen, she couldn’t possibly betray Carmelita like that. “You wouldn’t.”

“I will. Look Carm, you’re not supposed to know this but the brass wants to send you for a psych evaluation and transfer.”

“What? Why?”

“Why? Are you seriously asking me that? The mood swings, the aggression even for you you’ve been bad, what you did to Winthrop I mean he deserved it but still…. Oh god and your phones. People are noticing something’s not right with you, people are worried. I’m worried. I stood up for you once already, I saw the paperwork and told Barkley if he tried to send you away I’d quit.”

“And that worked?”

Viola shrugged. “Barkley knows he can’t run the department without me.”

“Vi you can’t just go around blackmailing Interpol officers.”

“I will do whatever works for me.” She folded her arms across her chest. “You are going on vacation, you are going to take the time to get your head straight and you are going to think about that transfer.”

“And what am I supposed to do with months of accrued leave and no case? I’ll go mad.”

“Take that trip to the Greek Islands like we used to talk about…”

“Vi that was in high school…”

“Go visit your parents in Barcelona.” Viola said waving her hands. “Go back to London and see that nice detective from Scotland Yard you told me about. Hell pick a capital city, find a nice bar and pick up someone who isn’t a raccoon. Take up cross-stitch. Do something. Cooper has consumed your professional life don’t let him consume your personal life too.” She took Carmelita’s hands again. “I’m worried about you Carm, please.”

Carmelita squeezed her eyes shut, “what choice do I have?”

“It’s for the best.” Viola scooted up the bed to give her a hug. “I’m sorry but you need a break.”

Carmelita sighed, Viola was right she was stretched thin, run ragged. It was bad enough that Cooper constantly eluded her but now it felt like every facet of her life revolved around him. She dreamt of him, she wanted him. Remembered the feeling of his hands on her body and longed for more. Even after he’d left and she hadn’t seen him, not even pulling a job for what felt like endless weeks and she’d had to confront the unpleasant truth that she’d been had. If he showed up at her window again tonight she couldn’t guarantee that she wouldn’t try to kiss him (after she’d shock pistoled him to within an inch of his life, she was still angry after all).

A vacation, yes she would go away, somewhere far away and come back the stronger for it.

“I’ll do it Vi. Help me with the paperwork, I’ll leave immediately.”

* * *

Sly was worried about Carmelita, he and his gang had pulled two heists and Carmelita had shown up to neither. Sly had then been restless during their downtime and soon as they’d arrived home in Paris, he had gone to seek her out.

Really, it was too early for him to do this, he thought as he leapt from rooftop to rooftop. The sun still hanging low in the sky, he should have waited for true dark. No, he knew he shouldn’t be doing this at all. It was a bad idea, a terrible idea, but… but… but…

He landed on the roof of Carmelita’s building, her window was open. He smirked doubts vanishing, she was waiting for him.

He swung himself onto the sill and stopped dead. An auburn haired female mouse was standing by the window, watering a pot plant.

“You’re not Carmelita.” He turned his head, had he gotten the wrong window?

“YOU _!_ ” She yelled and before Sly could react, she’d grabbed him off the sill, throwing him to the floor and seating herself on his chest.

“Woah… Woah… Woah lady I don’t know what’s going on here but whatever it is I am not into it.”

“Do you remember me?” She asked leaning over him. “We’ve met before, we weren’t introduced but I saw you at my hen’s night and I know you were the one who drove Carmelita and I home.”

“Oh.” He said. “Yeah, you weren’t wearing your glasses then.”

“You do remember me I’m flattered. Now Mister Master Thief we need to talk.”

Sly got the feeling he was in deep trouble. “Where’s Carmelita?”

“On holiday.”

“No seriously, where is she really?”

“I am serious, she’s on holiday. I made her take one after she told me what’s been going on between her and you.”

“Oh so she gets to tell people?” Sly protested.

“Don’t you even try that with me buddy, the way I hear it you have your way of ‘telling’ people.”

“I reserve my right to remain silent.” Sly said wishing he could sink into the floor.

She frowned at him. “What are you doing here?”

“I was worried about Carmelita, I haven’t seen her for a while and I was worried she might be sick or something.” He jerked his head toward the flowers he’d dropped when the woman had grabbed him. “Look Miss…?”

“Viola.”

“Ms Viola, could you maybe get off me please? This is awkward. I won’t run I promise.”

She stood but not before she took possession of his cane, Sly frowned he thought he could probably overpower her to get it back but that wouldn’t be very gentlemanly of him.

“You’ll forgive me if I don’t take your word at face value.” She said.

Sly brushed himself down as he got to his feet, “fair enough, I wouldn’t trust me either. When’s Carmelita going to be back?” He asked looking around the apartment.

Viola nursed his cane against herself, “she won’t be.”

Sly reeled, “what?”

“Our boss put her in for a transfer and Carm accepted and no I’m not telling you where.”

Sly was still trying to process the idea of Carmelita not coming back to Paris when his brain flagged something else Viola had said. “Wait, ‘our boss’ you’re Interpol too?” 

Trap, his instincts screamed at him, trap. He needed to get out of here.

Viola drew herself up, “oh yes but I’m not an investigator. I am much worse, I’m a secretary.”

And in that moment, Sly Cooper knew he was doomed.

“Sit.” She said, pointing with his cane, “I’ll make tea and we can have a nice conversation about this, like adults.”

“Is this how you start all ‘nice conversations’?” Sly asked stretching himself out onto Carmelita’s couch.

“When you’re small you learn to fight with what you have at your disposal.” She sniffed. “Besides I’ve been friends with Carmelita a long time, sometimes you have to fight dirty.”

“A woman after my own heart.”

She held up her left hand showing off a fat gold band, “don’t even think about it.”

Sly held up both hands in a placating gesture, “wouldn’t dream of it.”

She filled the kettle. “I am, in fact very adept at fighting with what I have. For example, there was an agent in our department who said that Carmelita would be a lot less uptight if she got laid every once in awhile.” She shot Sly a pointed look. “I made sure the next two months of his life were unpleasant, very unpleasant.”

“What did you do?” Sly asked.

She pulled mugs out of the cupboard. “Little things, moved what was on his desk so nothing was ever where he left it, stopped proofreading his paperwork so he’d have to redo it. Got I.T to change his login credentials, every day. He finally fell to his knees in the middle of the bullpen, clinging to Carmelita’s leg begging her forgiveness, Carm had no idea what was going on, bless her heart. She told him to pull himself together… I think he works in the post office now.”

Sly wasn’t sure whether he should laugh or be afraid, very afraid.

She poured the kettle, “how do you take your tea?”

“Umm milk and three.”

She brought the cups over one at a time, keeping a close hand on his cane.

This was bizarre. Surreal. He’d seen some weird stuff in his time but having tea with a crazy secretary who held his cane hostage to force him to talk about his feelings? Yeah that took the cake, and he’d fought a giant, immortal owl. Twice.

“Right.” She settled herself opposite him. “Now you’re going to tell me where you get off messing with my friend’s head.” 

“Excuse me?”

“Your track record thus far, you have kissed her and then left her handcuffed inside an active volcano, made out with her in a club under an assumed name. Kissed her in the middle of a heist, after making a very passionate declaration, and then you sneak into her home and the two of you sleep together only for you to leave before she wakes. Oh and then you follow her to a different club and pretend to be a taxi driver so you could take her home. Am I missing anything?”

Sly cleared his throat, “well when you put it like that.”

Viola sipped her tea, “I’ve seen your files Mister Master Thief, and I’ve heard all about you. You’re young, this is a game to you.” She looked directly at Sly, cold steel in her blue eyes. “I will tell you right now Carm is not for playing with.”

Sly fidgeted, “it’s not like that.” How could he possibly put this into words in front of a stranger? “I care about her. I care a lot.”

“You must understand that there is only one of two ways this can end? You either go to jail or Carmelita throws away her whole life, everything she believes in for you.”

“There’s always a third option.” Sly muttered. One of the commandments of being a master criminal was that you never let yourself get boxed in.

“You hurt her.” Viola continued. “She told me how angry and betrayed she felt when you left without a word.”

“I didn’t think she’d want me there after… I thought staying might make it worse.”

“Is that your usual modus operandi then?”

“No.” Sly said quickly. “I mean there’s no ‘usual’… I don’t… I never… Didn’t she tell you?” He finished lamely.

“Tell me what?”

“There’s was no one before Carmelita.” He mumbled into his cup. “Only her.”

“Oh.” Her eyes widened. “Oh. You’re… well you were… No, no she didn’t tell me. That does so go some way to explaining it at least.” She sighed, placing her cup on the table. “Do you want my advice?”

Sly had to admit he had no idea what to do, relationships were tricky, a great big tangle that trapped you, held you down. Anchored you. He couldn’t afford that, to do what he did he needed to be weightless, no strings on him, free.

“Are you going to threaten to ruin my life if I say no?” Sly smirked. “I don’t exactly have a desk full of knick-knacks for you to mess with Ms Secretary.”

“Do not underestimate my reach Mister Master Thief.” Viola said with such cool certainty that Sly was all at once genuinely worried that she would somehow find her way into the safe house and steal all his left shoes or boot the van or something.

“Shoot.” Sly finally said.

“You’re probably not going to like this but I think you need to leave Carmelita alone. If you actually care, you need to acknowledge that this thing may end up destroying you both. Carm is a very passionate person, she loves wholeheartedly. Do not make her choose between everything she has worked so hard for or loving you. Do the noble thing, oh gentleman thief return the heart you have stolen, set her free.” She laid his cane on the table between them and sat back hands folded in her lap.

“That’s your advice, make her even more upset with me?”

“You underestimate just how upset she is with you right now. I don’t think ‘more upset’ is an option. She is at critical mass.”

Sly stood putting down his empty cup and picking up his cane. His head was spinning, love her, leave her, break her either way. He was a thief and he was not used to being told he could not have what he wanted.

“If she’s at critical mass that just means that the next step is a massive explosion.” He laid his cane against his shoulder.

Viola’s expression hardened, “if you think this is funny Cooper.”

“No.” He said and meant it, strange how Carmelita kept forcing him to confront emotional truths that scared him. He looked away, “I’ll think about what you said.”

Everything felt too large all of a sudden, Bentley’s injury, Murray’s guilt, Carmelita leaving it was overwhelming.

“Please do.” Viola was saying. “And keep in mind if you hurt her like this again I will find a way to make your life unpleasant, very unpleasant.” She looked down at her nails. “I have my ways.”

“I believe you.” Sly said backing to the window.

She smiled. “Good evening Mister Master Thief.” She said as casually as one might farewell an old friend.

“Good evening Ms. Secretary.” Sly tipped his hat and offered a two fingered salute before falling backwards from Carmelita’s window.

He ran back across rooftops, leaping and swinging through the summer night. His mind still whirling, love her, leave her, break her either way.

It was time to think up that third option.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> And so our song fades out.
> 
> Originally I tried to keep this vague timeline-wise then when I started work on this fic I realised how I could tie it in to the canon so this series *magically* happens in the few months between Bentley being busted out of the hospital and Murray leaving the gang.
> 
> I also love the idea of Sly and Carmelita having that banter in Venice at the start of Sly 3 after having slept together
> 
> P.s Viola and Carmelita have a very awkward conversation when Carm gets back from Kaine Island with her new 'partner'
> 
> P.p.s Viola spends weeks following "Constable Cooper" around like a tiny angry stormcloud staring daggers at his back, while Sly sweats bullets and counts his shoes before he goes to bed at night


End file.
